


I Know You Know

by emmerrr



Series: Ronan and Adam navigate life [6]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Conversations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-01 23:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10932648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmerrr/pseuds/emmerrr
Summary: It seemed almost inevitable somehow that Ronan would one day end up hospitalised due to a vehicle related accident. More surprising was the fact that when it eventually happened, it wasn’t even Ronan’s fault.





	1. Chapter 1

It seemed almost inevitable somehow that Ronan would one day end up hospitalised due to a vehicle related accident. More surprising was the fact that when it eventually happened, it wasn’t even Ronan’s _fault_. At a four-way junction, Ronan drove the BMW forward at the change of the lights, and some drunk promptly ploughed into the side of it, running his own red light. The angle the BMW was struck at sent it spinning, Ronan’s head knocking more than once into the drivers’ side window.

When the car finally stilled, Ronan’s first thought was that he could see a lot of blood, and that couldn’t possibly be a good thing. His second thought was of Matthew and Opal and what would happen to them if he died. Then he thought about how afraid he was, and how badly he wished Adam were there, but Adam was currently an impossibly long way away. Then everything went dark and Ronan didn’t think much of anything at all.

 

***

 

 

He came to slowly and painfully, with the headache to end all headaches. It took him a moment to remember what had happened and where he must now be. Everything seemed impossibly bright and it took a while for his eyes to adjust, and once they did he realised it was night-time — the brightness was coming from a bedside lamp. Glad to at least not be dead, Ronan feebly lifted his head to take stock of any other injuries. Any hopes that it was just his head that was the problem were dashed when he took in the cast on his right leg, and another less substantial one on his right arm. He felt like he should be in more pain, then noticed the IV in his arm and deduced he was on an impressive amount of morphine. He lifted his left arm and tentatively felt across his middle; there was a slight tenderness that suggested minor damage to his ribs as well.

All in all, a bit of a mess then. But at least there were no tubes down his throat.

Self-assessment over, Ronan examined the room he was in. A private one, obviously, no doubt thanks to Declan. There was an impressive bouquet of flowers on the table to his right which Ronan somehow immediately knew would be from Gansey without having to read the card accompanying them. His heart swelled with affection for his best friend, swiftly followed by crushing guilt. Ronan getting into a car crash had, once upon a time, been one of Gansey’s worst nightmares.

In a chair in the corner, curled into a ball and bundled up in Adam’s Harvard hoodie, was a fast asleep Opal. Ronan’s heart warmed at the sight of her. Opal, here. Opal, safe. Ronan assumed that Matthew, too, would be safe, and probably milling about the hospital somewhere searching for something good to eat.

To Ronan’s left, with a chair pulled up as close to the bed as it could possibly get, sat Adam, slumped forward with his head pillowed in his arms, which in turn were pillowed on the edge of Ronan’s hospital bed. Much like Opal, Adam was fast asleep, the scrunched lines furrowed in his brow suggesting it wasn’t an entirely restful sleep, and one that had been brought on by pure exhaustion. Ronan wondered how long Adam had been there, how long he had been unconscious, how long Adam had been waiting for him to wake up.

He didn’t want to wake Adam, but he knew if their situations were reversed, he would want Adam to wake _him_ up. Adam would expect the same courtesy.

“Adam,” he tried to say, but it came out a croaky whisper, and it _hurt_. He gently ran his finger down Adam’s arm, and this did the trick. Adam jolted upright, alarmed, looking to Ronan immediately.

His alarm quickly melted into relief when he saw that Ronan was awake. “ _Ronan_ ,” he said, and it almost sounded like a desperate plea. He reached for Ronan’s hand and wound their fingers together.

“Hi,” Ronan said, and this came out a little easier. A little less like gravel in his throat.

Adam’s answering smile was tired but radiant, and then his face crumpled. “You. Fucking. _Asshole_ , Ronan Lynch.” He covered his face with his free hand but didn’t let go of Ronan with the other, and it was telling. He was shaking, and Ronan knew that Adam was hiding tears behind his hand. This was all born out of pure relief, and it made Ronan feel horribly guilty.

“I’m sorry,” he said lamely.

Adam sniffed valiantly and lowered his hand from his face. His eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, but a lot of that was clearly tiredness as well. “Don’t,” he said. He pulled Ronan’s hand to his mouth and pressed a brief kiss on the outside, before gently placing it back on the bed and getting to his feet. “Hold on. I’m gonna go get a nurse.”

“Adam, wait—” Ronan started, but Adam was already out of the door.

As the sound filtered in from the corridor, Opal woke up, blinking in irritation. But then she noticed that Ronan was awake, and said, “Kerah.” It had been a long, long time since she had last called him that.

“Hiya, kid. You okay?”

She frowned at the question when it was Ronan in a hospital bed, but she, too, looked relieved. There was a lot of that going around. “I’m fine. How do you feel?”

“My head hurts.”

“Concussion,” Opal supplied helpfully.

“Ah.” His eyes were already starting to feel heavy again; he wanted to go back to sleep, but he also wanted to see Adam again before he did so. “Where’re my brothers?” he asked Opal, words a little slurred. _Fuck_ , his head felt foggy.

“Declan took Matthew back to the Barns to get some proper sleep. They’ll be back in the morning. You’ve been out of it for two days.”

“Fuck. Why didn’t you go with them?”

“I didn’t want to leave Adam. _Or_ you.”

“Thanks, brat.”

She poked her tongue out at him, and then they were interrupted by Adam returning with a nurse. She was clearly busy and frazzled and she poked and prodded at Ronan, asked him a few inane questions, then told him the doctor would be in to check on him in the morning and that he should get some more sleep. Then she whirled on out like a hurricane, shutting the door firmly behind her.

Adam, who hovered throughout the whole thing, ran a hand through Opal’s hair. “You need anything?” he asked her. She blinked sleepily and shook her head. “Go back to sleep,” he told her gently, and with one last look at Ronan, who attempted a smile, she closed her eyes.

Adam turned to Ronan. “What about you?” he asked.

“Water,” Ronan rasped. “Sleep.”

Adam passed him a glass of water from the bedside table; Ronan took a too big gulp and started to cough. “Just a little bit at a time, Ronan,” Adam chided, like Ronan was a five year old. He was too tired to be annoyed though. He drank his fill, a mouthful at a time, and then he settled back down.

Adam reclaimed the chair he had been sitting in before, his watchful post at Ronan’s side. Ronan stared at the dark circles under Adam’s eyes, at the anxious way his hands pulled at the cover on Ronan’s bed, straightening it even though it didn’t need straightening.

“Adam,” Ronan said, just to get Adam to look at him. He did.

“Thought I’d lost you for a moment there, Lynch,” Adam said, forced nonchalance into his tone.

“Never,” Ronan replied. He wanted to pull Adam to him, wanted him in the bed, wanted him close. But he didn’t really have the energy, so instead he just said, “Kiss me.”

Adam did.

“Go to sleep, Ronan,” Adam whispered.

Ronan did.

 

***

 

 

The next time he woke up, Adam was gone, but Declan was there, eyes unfocused somewhere on the wall behind Ronan, biting his nails worriedly. He hadn’t done that since he was about fourteen. Ronan shifted on the bed and Declan’s eyes darted to him, wide and concerned, but he let out a long exhale and then smiled minutely.

“Hey, little brother,” he said.

“Hey.”

“You scared the shit out of us, you little pissant.”

“In my defense, it wasn’t my fault,” Ronan pointed out. He shifted again and winced; his pain meds appeared to be wearing off. He felt like he’d been in a car wreck, which was apt, because he _had_.

“I know,” Declan said, and his expression turned dark.

Ronan frowned. “What happened to the driver of the other car?” he asked, wondering why it had taken him this long to think about it, and what that said about him as a person.

“He died on impact,” Declan said, words clipped. “He was three times over the limit.”

“Oh,” Ronan said. He wasn’t too sure how he was supposed to feel about that. This stranger could have killed Ronan with his carelessness. Ronan should be angry. But the anger seemed a little misplaced as the man was already dead. Besides, Declan seemed angry enough for the both of them.

Something else suddenly occured to Ronan, and he jolted up in bed. Or his best attempt at jolting up anyway, which was not only limited thanks to his current range of movement, but was also incredibly painful, and he couldn’t quite hide the pained moan he let escape.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Declan said, gently helping Ronan back down. “Easy, kiddo.”

“The BMW,” Ronan ground out. “Is it. . . is it fixable?”

Declan’s solemn expression gave away the answer before he even spoke, and Ronan shut his eyes against the tears that sprang, unbidden, to his eyes. He leaned his head back hard against his pillow as Declan said, “It’s a complete write-off, Ronan. I’m sorry.”

Somewhere inside, the rational part of Ronan knew that it was just a car, that the important thing was that Ronan was alive and would be okay. But the other part of Ronan, the part that was making itself much more known at the moment, was distraught. That car was irreplaceable. A dream car from his _father’s_ mind, not his. It was where he’d found his father’s body and Ronan hated it but he loved it, and now it was gone.

Perhaps it was long past time to let it go, anyway. But that didn’t mean Ronan was necessarily ready to say goodbye. He never was.

“Fuck,” he finally managed, and opened his eyes, rubbing at them furiously with the back of his left hand.

“Maybe you could dream a new one,” Declan offered.

Ronan shook his head — another painful mistake. “It wouldn’t be the same. I’d know,” he said through gritted teeth.

Declan nodded, but didn’t seem to know what else to say. He’d never understood Ronan’s fascination with that car, not after what had happened.

Ronan took a breath, and then another and another, until his exhale didn’t feel shaky and he knew his voice would be calm again. “Where’s Adam?” he asked.

“Him and Opal went back to the Barns to shower and eat and have a nap. They’ll be back soon, I’m sure. I told Adam I’d call him if you woke up, actually, I should go do that.” Declan stood up and made for the door, but it swung open before he got there and Matthew stumbled in, a hospital coffee in each hand. He spotted Ronan, awake, and nearly tripped over his own feet in his urgency to reach his bedside. Declan steadied him, and removed the coffees from his hands. Safety first.

“You’re awake!” Matthew exclaimed, sitting on the side of the bed.

“Matthew, voice down, bud,” Declan said quietly but firmly. “Ronan’s got a head injury remember? Concussion.”

“Oh yeah,” Matthew said in an exaggerated whisper that made Ronan smile despite himself. He held up a fist and Matthew bumped it with his own, grinning. “I’m glad you’re alive.”

Ronan snorted a laugh which hurt his ribs, but he didn’t care. “Yeah, mate, me too.”

 

***

 

 

Ronan got to go home two days later, the longest two days of his life. Gansey and Blue visited on one of them, and as touched as Ronan was by the gesture, he couldn’t stand the way they looked at him, like he was something fragile. He got it; it was hard seeing people you love hurt. It was hard to know what to say. But Ronan just wanted everything to be normal, and Gansey and Blue couldn’t seem to talk about anything but the accident.

“You were _so_ lucky, Ronan,” Blue said.

“I was in a car crash, Sargent,” Ronan replied. “I wouldn’t say I’ve been _that_ lucky.”

It was a joke, but no one laughed. Noah would have laughed.

Adam rarely left his side, which Ronan appreciated, but he knew that Adam was taking time off from his senior year to be here and he worried there would be consequences what with Adam so close to graduating now. He knew how much work Adam had to do; he had finals in a little over a month and he couldn’t afford to blow it all now. Ronan knew better than to bring this up when he was still in the hospital, though — it would not go down well.

His arm wasn’t that bad of a break; a stress fracture that shouldn’t take too long to heal. The leg was significantly worse, having been operated on shortly after Ronan was brought in. He was just glad he was out for the count and missed all of the drama. It would heal just fine, he’d been told by a doctor he kept forgetting the name of, if he did everything he was supposed to do during recovery. It would take a while though, and Ronan wasn’t looking forward to that. He needed to be mobile; a broken leg sort of put a dampener on that. His ribs were severely bruised but not broken; he was in pain but he knew that meant he was healing. The nasty bang of his head against the window had given him a nasty gash that led to eight stitches and was the cause of his concussion.

“Maybe I’ll have a cool scar,” Ronan remarked to an unimpressed Adam, who was currently operating a ‘no jokes’ policy with regards to Ronan’s accident.

All in all, though, Blue was right — he _had_ been incredibly lucky. If the car had hit him on the drivers’ side, Ronan would have been killed. If anyone had been sitting in the passenger seat, which had been the main point of impact, _they_ would have been killed, and that was the part Ronan couldn’t stop thinking about. Opal could have been sitting there. Adam. Matthew. Anyone who Ronan cared about.

He tried to push it out of his mind, because it was pointless to imagine. It didn’t happen. He was fine, they were fine. Everyone was fine. Except for his car and the poor drunk bastard who ran a red light.

Ronan was required to sit in a wheelchair to get him from his room to the hospital exit. It was policy and unavoidable no matter how much Ronan complained. He had already been outfitted with crutches, although he could currently only use one because he couldn’t add any stress to his right arm. Declan had sorted a wheelchair out for Ronan at home, too, but Ronan was adamant that he wouldn’t use it.

“Well it’ll be there as a just in case,” Declan said mildly, and Ronan gritted his teeth in anger. He wanted everyone to stop tip-toeing around him.

Matthew volunteered to push Ronan along, Adam following behind carrying Ronan’s crutches and other belongings. Declan was bringing the car around.

They reached a long stretch of corridor and it was a straight shot to the exit. Ronan turned to Opal, walking beside the chair. “We’ll race you, Opal,” he said quietly, so Adam couldn’t hear.

“Okay,” Opal said with a grin.

“You ready Matthew?”

“I dunno, pal. Adam’ll get mad.”

“Not at _you_. Come on. Just from here to the exit. Make sure you don’t crash into anything.”

Matthew hesitated. “Alright then,” he said agreeably.

Ronan counted down from three, and then said, _“Go!”_

Opal got the jump on them, but Matthew was strong, and even though he was also pushing a wheelchair he soon caught up with her and he and Ronan went shooting past. Ronan whooped as they sailed past the nurses desk, soaking in Matthew’s delighted laughter and Opal’s indignant squawk at being overtaken.

He heard Adam’s furious “Ronan _Lynch_ ,” and knew he was in trouble, but right now he almost felt like he was flying, and he was alive, alive, alive.

Matthew skidded to an ungainly stop just before they reached the exit, and then calmly pushed Ronan through the automatic doors like nothing had happened. Opal caught up a second later. “You cheated,” she said, chin out defiantly.

“How?”

Opal screwed her nose up. “I’m not sure. But I feel like I should have won.”

“Run faster next time, squirt.”

A hand on Ronan’s shoulder alerted him to Adam’s presence and Ronan looked up at him and smiled. Adam glared back. “There are _so_ many ways that could have ended badly, Ronan,” he started.

“Sorry, Adam,” Matthew said sheepishly.

“It’s not _your_ fault, Matthew, you don’t need to apologise for him.”

Ronan took Adam’s hand and pressed it to his mouth, unrepentant. Adam rolled his eyes and cupped Ronan’s cheek. “Behave,” he warned, but his anger had abated.

Declan pulled up then, and with some effort they got Ronan situated, but by the time they arrived at the Barns, Ronan’s temporary good mood had evaporated and he napped on the sofa for the rest of the afternoon.

He woke up in pain, and also to the muffled voices of Adam and Declan in the next room. Ronan didn’t catch all of it, but he heard Declan say “Are you sure?” more than once, and a few affirmatives from Adam, along with something that sounded suspiciously like, “I can’t leave him.”

Already irritated at being talked about behind his back, Ronan belted out, “What are you talking about?”

The conversation ceased immediately, and then Declan and Adam both appeared in the doorway. Declan stepped just inside, but Adam came right over and crouched in front of Ronan, so he was eye level with where Ronan was laid out on the sofa.

“I was just telling Declan that I’m going to stay here with you while you get better. I haven’t spoken to the university admins yet, but I should be able to finish my degree in the fall and take my finals then, instead.”

Ronan tried to sit up, but he couldn’t because of his leg and he rolled onto his left side instead. “Adam, _no_ ,” he insisted. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Adam was supposed to be done with college soon, then they were going to decide what the next plan was, what they were going to do with their lives. But they got to decide _together_. This would delay all of that; Ronan didn’t want to have to wait until Christmas for the time he thought he was going to have in a couple of months. He couldn’t live through another summer knowing Adam was going to leave again at the end of it. It wasn’t fair, and he’d already waited long enough.

“Ronan, listen, you need someone to help you right now, and I want to be the one to do it, okay? It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine, Adam. You’ve already missed enough time because of my accident, and now you need to go back and finish your fucking degree in six weeks like you’re fucking supposed to. That’s the plan.”

Adam shrugged helplessly. “Plans change, Ronan. I can’t go back now, not with you hurt. It isn’t fair.”

“Declan can stay, he’ll help me out. Right?” He peered imploringly over Adam’s shoulder at his brother.

Declan hesitated, but nodded and then looked at Adam. “I can. It’s honestly not a problem, Adam, I’m happy to do it.”

“See?” Ronan said.

“ _No_ ,” Adam said, irritation and desperation tinging own voice now. “I’m sorry, Declan, I don’t mean that as a slight against you, but Ronan, I _can’t_ leave like this. I won’t. Even if we do like you say and Declan stays and I go back and finish the semester properly, I won’t be able to focus on anything while we’re so far away from each other and I know you’re here and you’re hurt. I'd probably fail anyway.”

“Adam,” Ronan started, and he could feel his eyes start to sting and his lower lip start to wobble. He was dimly aware of Declan still in the room but he was too upset to be embarrassed. This was going to ruin everything — Ronan didn’t care if he was being dramatic. “It was supposed to be _finished_ soon. You were going to graduate and I don’t know what you’re going to want to do after but I thought we were going to be together to sort it out and—”

“Ronan, shhh,” Adam said soothingly, gently cupping his hands around Ronan’s face. He softly rubbed under Ronan’s eyes with the pads of his thumbs. “Try not to get upset, it’s okay.”

“I _am_ upset, and it’s not o-fucking- _kay_ ,” Ronan said, breath hitching in the middle. “Adam, _go_. Finish the semester. I want you to. I’ll be fine.”

“But I _won’t_ be,” Adam cried, his own composure breaking, although his hands were still soft on Ronan’s face. “Ronan, I can’t leave you right now. Please don’t ask me to.”

“Um,” Declan said, a little awkwardly. Adam swivelled around but kept one hand on Ronan’s face. “I don’t want to overstep, but why doesn’t Ronan go with you for the rest of your semester? Would that work?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Ronan said immediately.

Adam hesitated. “I’m not sure. It’s a long way. And Ronan can’t fly right now.”

“I’ll sort out a rental car for you — the insurance should cover it, but if not I’ll pay. Ronan can stretch out in the back the whole way. We’ll sort out a doctor’s appointment for him in your area so they can check on his progress. And you live in a ground floor flat this year anyway, right?” Declan shrugged. “It’ll be easier for Ronan to get around there than here while he’s on crutches.”

Adam was quiet, which meant he was thinking about it, and that was close to success. Ronan needed him to agree. He needed Adam to finish his degree on time.

“Adam,” he said, and Adam turned to look at him. “Let’s do it this way. It’s only six weeks, and then we’ll come back here. Together.”

Ronan could see Adam warring with himself, but he also knew that Adam didn’t want to finish his degree in the fall either. His main concern was that he didn’t want to let Ronan out of his sight, and this solved that problem.

“Okay,” Adam said quietly. “Together.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say this would be 2 chapters? I meant 3.
> 
> A forewarning for hurt boys, frustrated and angry boys, and very upset boys. This is a laugh riot, have fun, kids!

Ronan’s return from the hospital fell on a Thursday; Adam spent most of Friday sorting out logistics, letting university admin know he’d be returning from his leave of absence on Sunday and so would be back in time for classes from Monday. Adam was an exemplary student and obviously due to the circumstances, his professors had been incredibly understanding, giving him generous extensions for all of the work he’d either missed, or hadn’t been able to finish on time due to Ronan’s accident. When he wasn’t on the phone, Adam sat on the floor in front of the sofa where Ronan was camped out, writing essays or going through online lectures making notes. He stayed within easy reach of Ronan at all times.

Declan spent the morning on the phone with the insurance company, and in the afternoon went with Matthew to pick up a rental car for Adam and Ronan to take with them. It was a Subaru Outback so it was nice and roomy, but Ronan hated it on principle because it wasn’t the BMW.

Ronan was still supposed to be avoiding TV screens, phone screens and computer screens due to his head injury, not to mention he couldn’t get around easily enough to go outside, so he was fantastically bored. Opal and Chainsaw kept him company for a little while, but Chainsaw started to get antsy after being inside too long, and Ronan winced when she squawked too loudly. Adam noticed and sent them outside.

“I’m fine,” Ronan said grumpily at the look Adam sent him. “Just a headache.”

Adam pursed his lips but didn’t say anything. He pressed the back of his hand against Ronan’s head; it was nice and cool and Ronan closed his eyes. He was vaguely aware of Adam saying his name, but he was asleep before he could form a response.

A lot of Friday was spent that way, in and out of sleep. Ronan sort of worried he might bring something back with him every time he woke up, but he didn’t dream at all. He wondered if it was the pain medication he was on. Either way, he felt discombobulated and irritable, but was trying desperately not to take it out on anyone.

His leg hurt. The crutches were too much of a hassle to handle at the moment. And he was still refusing the wheelchair.

Adam helped Ronan to the bathroom when he needed to go. He left Ronan to get himself washed and clean because Ronan had adamantly refused help. It was slow and painful because he had to do everything left handed and avoid getting his casts wet, and he was also incredibly stiff and bruised from all the other minor injuries he had picked up in the crash. They had seemed inconsequential initially in regard to his much more serious injuries, but after the shock of those had worn off, he started to feel everything else, and how much of an ordeal he’d really been through. He really felt like he’d been run over by a truck. So washing was difficult. Trying to get dressed again afterwards was near _impossible_ ; his sweatpants kept bunching and getting caught on his leg cast, and trying to straighten it out with both hands made a shooting pain run up his bad arm. Ronan struggled for five minutes and then sighed. The bathroom door was shut, but Ronan rested his forehead against it.

“Adam?” He hated how small his voice sounded. He knew Adam would be waiting just outside.

“Yeah?” Adam’s voice was muffled through the door.

“I can’t—” he broke off and gritted his teeth. “Can you help me?”

“Yeah, Ronan. Open the door.”

Ronan let Adam in, and Adam shut the door again behind him. He didn’t say anything, just let Ronan lean on him while he got Ronan’s sweatpants on quickly and efficiently. Ronan probably could have managed his t-shirt himself, but Adam helped with that, too, and when he’d straightened it out, he had Ronan sit on the edge of the bath so he could put a solitary sock on Ronan’s left foot.

Once he’d finished, Adam stepped into the space between Ronan’s legs, put a hand on either side of his face and leaned down to kiss him. He was so soft and gentle that Ronan sort of thought he might cry, and he _hated_ that getting hurt so badly had sent his emotions into overdrive. Once Adam leaned back, Ronan pressed his face into the material of Adam’s t-shirt and locked his arms around his waist. Adam brought one hand round the back of Ronan’s head to stroke at the soft curls there, and dropped the other to Ronan’s shoulder, thumb moving in soothing circles.

They stayed like that for a long time.

 

***

 

Ronan and Adam actually left the Barns on Saturday evening, wanting to make the most of quieter night-time traffic, and also to allow Adam some time to recover from the long drive before he returned to classes. They had decided against taking Opal with them; Adam’s apartment really wasn’t big enough and with Ronan recovering and Adam having his hands full with both school _and_ Ronan, they figured it wasn’t fair to keep Opal cooped up with them.

She didn’t really need a babysitter as she could look after herself just fine, it was just the company she needed. It was decided that she would spend the first three weeks with Declan in DC (which she was ridiculously excited about — Declan was her favourite for reasons unknown), and the rest of the time at Fox Way where she could help Maura come up with new disgusting tea concoctions and drive Calla up the wall.

Ronan sat side long in the backseat of the shitty Subaru, door wide open so he could say his goodbyes. Opal hugged Ronan for a long time. “Be good,” he told her when he pulled away.

Opal wrinkled her nose. “You too.” She flounced off into Adam’s arms. He was _also_ her favourite, but Ronan could let her off for that one, because Adam was his favourite as well.

Matthew and Ronan did their ridiculously complex secret handshake, then Declan cradled Ronan’s head in a one-armed hug and kissed the top of his head before Ronan could squirm away. “Rest up, little brother. Oh, and if I get anymore phonecalls saying you’re in the hospital, I’m going to _murder_ you. Just FYI.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ronan said. He scooted back, careful not to jostle his leg too much, and as soon as he was clear, Declan shut the door. He held his hand out for Opal and she took it, and with one last wave at Ronan through the window, Matthew, Declan and Opal headed over to Declan’s car. Ronan had to swallow hard against the lump in his throat.

Stupid, _stupid_ emotions.

Adam got into the drivers’ seat and turned around. “Is your seatbelt on?”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “ _Yes_ , Parrish.”

“Just checking.”

It was quiet for the first half hour or so. Ronan started to clam up involuntarily when he realised they’d have to drive through the junction where he’d had his accident — he didn’t want to see it yet, he wasn’t ready — but Adam turned off and soon it became apparent that he was taking them another route out of town. It would add another twenty minutes to an already long journey, but Ronan was quietly grateful. He didn’t know if Adam had done it for Ronan’s benefit or for his own. Probably both.

They didn’t talk about it.

As soon as they hit the freeway Adam turned the radio on and tuned it around until he found Ronan’s preferred techno station, volume turned down low.

“Love you, Adam,” Ronan said.

“I know,” Adam said, and grinned in the rearview mirror.

“I know you know.”

Adam laughed. “I love you.”

“I know.”

“Shut up and go to sleep.”

And Ronan did, soothed by the faint bassline and Adam’s calming presence.

Ronan’s sleep on the drive was frequently interrupted, as Adam had to stop a few times to stretch his legs and grab coffee, plus he woke Ronan up to eat something and to drink water and take his pain meds. As a result, when they got to Adam’s apartment what felt like decades later, Ronan was disgruntled and had a crick in his neck and was mightily uncomfortable thanks to the position he’d had to sit in due to his injuries. He felt like there was an itch on his broken leg, but he didn’t know if it was real or just his mind playing tricks on him as there was no way he could scratch it through the cast. Either way, it was infuriating.

They had brought the wheelchair with them at Declan’s insistence, but it remained firmly in the boot. It was still dark out and Ronan was too unsteady on his crutch to manoeuvre in such low light, so Adam put his arm around Ronan’s waist, Ronan’s arm around his shoulder, and he helped Ronan hobble inside.

The apartment was clean and tidy and tiny — very Adam. Ronan had been here before several times during the last seven or so months that Adam had lived there since starting his senior year, but only for fleeting weekends, never for a six week stint like this would be. Adam deposited Ronan on the sofa with his crutches, then headed back out to the car to grab Ronan’s big bag and Adam’s smaller one. Ronan took the time to reacquaint himself with the apartment. Adam’s bedroom — that contained a double bed, thank god — was to the back, an en-suite leading off it. The rest of the place was open-plan, a dinky little living room area in which Ronan now sat, with a sofa and a coffee table and a little bookshelf tucked into the corner. Adam didn’t have a TV, but he did have a laptop and access to Ronan’s Netflix account. Across from the living room was a tiny little kitchenette with a breakfast bar. And that was it.

But it was, at least, all on one level, which meant Ronan didn’t have to navigate stairs on crutches to get to bed.

Adam returned, locking the door behind him then carrying the bags through to the bedroom. He came back out to grab two glasses of water, and Ronan watched him move. He was clearly exhausted from the drive and everything else from the last couple of days — scratch that, the last _week_ — catching up with him. Ronan felt guilty again, even though he knew it wasn’t his fault and that Adam wouldn’t blame him for it. After Adam had returned from putting the water on the nightstands, he gave Ronan an appraising look.

“Are you tired? Or did you sleep too much in the car?” he asked.

Ronan thought about it. “I didn’t sleep well,” he said. “I could probably do with resting in a proper bed at least, even if I can’t sleep right away.”

“Okay. Good, because I’m shattered. Come on.” He helped Ronan to his feet and they got him changed for bed, then Adam left Ronan in the bathroom brushing his teeth while he got changed himself. Once done, he got Ronan into bed on the right hand side and left him to settle while he brushed his own teeth.

Thanks to his casts, Ronan could only really sleep safely on his back. He could roll onto his left side for a little while, but it started to put too much pressure on his left leg after a while thanks to the weight of his cast, and wasn’t really worth the effort. It was especially annoying now when all he wanted to do was curl around Adam and forget that everybody else existed.

As it was, when Adam crawled into bed, he turned off the light and immediately arranged himself so that his head was on Ronan’s chest, and Ronan kept him close with his good arm. He heard a tiny sniffle, and his chest felt suspiciously wet where Adam’s face was mushed up against it.

“Adam?” he whispered into the dark.

“I’m sorry,” Adam said thickly. “I’m just tired. I’ll be alright in a minute.”

Ronan didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if it was better to say nothing and just let Adam compose himself on his own, or if he should offer some kind of reassurance. Anything he said had the potential to make Adam even more upset, no matter how well-meaning it was. Then again, maybe a good cry would do him good. “Hey,” Ronan said, making a decision at last. “I’m okay, you know. Everything’s fine.”

And that did it; tiny little sobs racked their way through Adam’s exhausted frame, but Ronan held him steady and stroked his hair and murmured reassurances, and he quietly thanked the stars above that he had made it out of that crash alive and relatively intact. Everything was going to be fine.

Eventually Adam had cried himself out and fell asleep still curled into Ronan. Ronan stayed awake listening to Adam’s gentle breathing until he, too, fell asleep.

Yet again, he failed to dream.

 

***

 

Sunday was relatively nice. At least, as nice as it could be under the circumstances. They slept in late, and Adam in particular was noticeably more refreshed when they finally dragged themselves out of bed. Ronan was grumpy until his pain meds kicked in, and Adam left him on the sofa watching cartoons on Netflix while he showered, Ronan’s ban on screens now lifted.

Ronan’s appointment at the doctor wasn’t until the following afternoon, but Adam checked the stitches which ran from just under Ronan’s left temple and edged onto his forehead. Most of Ronan’s hair, which was currently inch long dark curls, had survived the process, with just a tiny spot having to be shaved to make room for them. Ronan hadn’t wanted to attempt washing his hair on his own in case he got water in his stitches, but Adam offered to do it for him now. He had Ronan sit on the closed toilet seat and lean his head back over the sink, and he used a cup to fill with water and then pour over Ronan’s hair, so that he was never under the running tap where it was likely to splash and get everywhere. It was a slow process because Adam was gentle and methodical, but Ronan didn’t mind.

It was surprisingly intimate, which Ronan found strange — in over five years, he’d thought they’d shared every kind of intimacy — but there was something different about this. About Ronan, safe in Adam’s hands, letting him wash his hair and trusting that he wouldn’t get any shampoo or water in Ronan’s stitches. Ronan had an unobstructed view of Adam’s face and was able to watch without being watched back, as Adam was otherwise occupied. When he did look down and notice Ronan’s gaze, he blushed. So Adam felt it, too. Intimacy.

Ronan smirked, ever one to ruin a moment. “It’s been a while since I’ve made you blush,” he said.

“Fuck off, Lynch.”

After Ronan was all clean and tidy and in fresh clothes, Adam told him to hobble around the apartment once on his crutch. He could still only use the one until he got the okay from the doctor about his right arm, and because all of his injuries were on his right side, Ronan felt horribly lopsided. He had to sort of lean to the left when he took his foot off the ground and let the crutch take his weight. It was hopping without the security of being able to put his right foot down if he lost balance. And it was exhausting. He made it halfway around and then gave Adam a pleading look. Adam relented and helped Ronan back to the sofa. He kissed him on the forehead.

“Tomorrow you’ll make it a little further,” he said.

There was hardly any food in the apartment so Adam left Ronan to his own devices while he popped out to get some supplies, which meant Ronan played music off his phone and sat on his own twiddling his thumbs and waiting for Adam to get back.

When the door opened, Chainsaw flew in ahead of Adam and perched on Ronan’s shoulder, nuzzling him affectionately.

“Look who followed us here,” Adam said, dumping shopping bags on the kitchen counter.

“Hey, turd. Miss me already?”

“Kerah,” said Chainsaw, and after gently stroking the feathers just past her beak, Ronan put her on the floor, from where she made a beeline for Adam’s trashcan and the various treasures she might find inside.

Adam had picked up bagels as a late breakfast for the two of them, so they ate those and Adam made coffee for himself and poured orange juice for Ronan.

After that, Adam set up camp at his breakfast bar and started to study, checking on Ronan every fifteen minutes without fail to see if he needed anything. Ronan checked his messages, saw several from Gansey and Blue, which made him feel guilty (so much guilt, Ronan didn’t know what to do with it all. It wasn’t his fault he’d nearly died), and one very long message from Henry Cheng. It was mostly emojis but it did say that Henry was delighted to hear Ronan was still in the land of the living and that he was sorry he hadn’t been able to make it down and visit while he was in the hospital, but that he’d make it up to Ronan in the summer. So that was nice. He sent back a typically Ronan reply (short), and then replied to Gansey and Blue, too, giving them slightly more detailed responses. He imagined they’d heard what the current arrangement was from Adam, but they’d probably appreciate hearing from Ronan, too.

Correspondence over, Ronan turned his attention back to Chainsaw, who had given up rooting through Adam’s trash and was now pottering around the apartment floor looking for something else to do.

“You’re gonna get bored here, Chainsaw,” Ronan said. He cut a glance to Adam to make sure he wasn’t disturbing his studying, but Adam was focused on whatever he was doing. “You should go and visit Opal, she can play outside with you.”

Chainsaw lifted her head and tilted it to the side at Opal’s name, then squawked. Ronan had a sudden idea.

“Adam,” he said, and Adam looked up immediately. It was like he was attuned to Ronan’s voice — Ronan was the only thing he’d let through his studious focus. “Can I have a little piece of paper? And a pen? Oh, and some string, if you have any?”

Adam frowned in confusion when Ronan asked after the string, and Ronan gestured to Chainsaw. “She’s gonna be my carrier pigeon. I’m sending Opal a note in DC.”

Adam’s frown dissolved into an exasperatedly fond smile, and he got what Ronan had asked for, putting them on the coffee table where Ronan could reach them.

“Do you want me to write it for you? Your hand,” he said.

Ronan was right-handed, so this did prove a slight problem, but he shrugged. “Nah, it’s cool. Maybe I can use this to train myself to be ambidextrous somehow.”

Adam laughed affectionately and went back to his work, and Ronan set about writing his note. Using his left hand was even harder than he imagined it would be, but he persevered, writing in messy capitals:

**HI OPAL,**   
**WE MISS YOU.**   
**LOVE RONAN AND ADAM**   
**XXX**

He rolled it up and tied it to Chainsaws leg. He didn’t tie it too tight because he didn’t want to hurt her, so he knew there was a slight chance it would fall off, or that Chainsaw would remove it herself, or that she wouldn’t even bother taking it to Opal at all. But it was worth a shot, and Opal would get a real kick out of it if it worked.

“Here, turd, take this to Opal, yeah? She’s with Declan.”

Chainsaw cawed, nibbled Ronan’s finger and then flew out of the open window. Ronan watched until she was just a speck in the distance.

“A dollar says Opal never gets that note,” came Adam’s voice from behind him.

Ronan turned and smirked at Adam’s tiny bet — always so frugal, even when he was being frivolous. “You’re on.”

 

***

 

After that first, relatively easy day, Ronan and Adam had to struggle to figure out a routine. Or more accurately, Adam had to struggle to fit Ronan into his already _existent_ routine. Which would be fine — easy even — if Ronan was fighting fit and able to drive and entertain himself when Adam was at classes. But the problem was that Ronan _wasn’t_ fighting fit; he was barely mobile, still struggling around on one crutch and still finding it incredibly difficult and time consuming and so goddamn _tiring_.

His moods were all over the place due to a multitude of reasons. He was still in pain most of the time, but he didn’t always feel like taking the meds so he’d just suffer through it and let the pain pull him in a downward spiral. He’d had his stitches taken out at his doctor’s appointment on Monday afternoon, but was told to still not put any pressure on his arm for at least another week, until his next appointment when they could reassess. Ronan stopped paying attention after that, so it was lucky Adam was there to ask any necessary questions.

The casts were driving him crazy with phantom itches, and he still needed Adam’s help to get dressed in the mornings and it was all too much. He hated feeling helpless. It didn’t help that he was cooped up most of the time in such a small space. He missed the Barns. He knew he couldn’t complain about that out loud because he was the one who had insisted he come here instead of Adam deferring the end of his degree, and he stood by that decision, knowing it was preferable in the long run. But just to himself, he could admit that it would have been slightly easier to recuperate in the comfort of his own home.

Every day when Adam returned from classes, he made Ronan leave the flat and try and walk a little ways using his crutch. This was more so he could get some fresh air than anything else, but Ronan knew Adam was also trying to push Ronan just a little harder. Whenever Ronan would stop and say he wanted to go back and Adam said, “Just ten more steps,” Ronan always ended up snapping, “You don’t realise how knackering this is, Parrish,” and Adam would relent and help Ronan back inside.

He sensed Adam was starting to get annoyed, but then again it was very possible that Ronan was just projecting his own frustrations onto the only other person who was there. Adam was still being endlessly patient with Ronan, treating him with the kid gloves when Ronan started to wallow. He sort of wanted Adam to snap and call Ronan out so they could fight. They’d always been good at fighting, it was how they communicated.

Or, no, it was how they had communicated back in high school, when Ronan’s edges were sharper — and so were Adam’s, for that matter. Ronan had always expressed himself through actions rather than words, which was probably why his words were so often misconstrued. But he was hindered by his injuries so even his actions were limited now. But Adam understood Ronan, had always understood him best, even more so than Gansey. Ronan didn’t want to fight, not really. He just wanted his equilibrium to be restored.

Adam had shit to do. Ronan didn’t want to add to it more than he already was. So he watched Netflix or listened to music when Adam was at classes, he kept quiet when Adam was studying, and he napped a lot and he put up with the prickling in his leg until it became too much and he had to take a painkiller. Ronan started texting Gansey regularly out of sheer boredom.

It wasn’t all bad. During Ronan’s better moods (that tended to coincide with Adam’s study breaks) they’d cuddle up on the sofa and put on bullshit movies that they wouldn’t watch and kiss for hours like they had when they were teenagers. Adam was being careful with Ronan, that much was obvious, but Ronan didn’t mind too much because it was tender and it was nice and it was _Adam_ , and Adam was and always had been utterly intoxicating to Ronan.

At night they stayed close together, and it was at night that one or the other or both of them were likely to get upset. Because Ronan was hurt and frustrated and had been through an ordeal that had resulted in the death of someone else and seen the end of his treasured car, and Adam had almost lost Ronan and it was all still incredibly raw, and everything — _everything_ — was so much worse at night. But they had each other, and they slept, and they started again the next day. Rinse and repeat.

On Sunday afternoon Chainsaw showed back up with a note from Opal that said, in much neater handwriting than Ronan’s:

**_I miss you too!_ **   
**_Ronan I hope you’re letting Adam study._ **   
**_Love Opal xxxx_ **

“You owe me a dollar, Parrish.”

That was week one.


	3. Chapter 3

The second week began much like the first, Adam running off to his early classes, and Ronan waiting around until he got back. He had another doctor’s appointment on Monday afternoon, during which the cast on his arm was replaced with a much more comfortable and manageable brace instead. Ronan was told to play it by ear with the crutches, test the weight tentatively, and if there was any pain, then to stop and give it another few days. Use his common sense, basically.

All Ronan cared about was how easy it now was to slide both his hands through Adam’s hair when he kissed him. It was enough to make Monday a good day.

Tuesday was less good. Again, it was ups and downs. Ronan was nervous about using both crutches even with the go-ahead from the doctor, and so was still carrying most of his weight on his left side. That, and relying on Adam, whose patience Ronan was sure would reach breaking point sooner or later.

“Just try it, Ronan,” Adam said, holding out the other crutch. “Just test a little weight on it and see how your arm feels. If it twinges, let go. I’m here. I won’t let you fall.”

Ronan heaved a put upon sigh, but snatched the crutch from Adam and did as he asked. He supported his weight holding onto the breakfast bar while he got the crutch into position, and then slowly let go and leaned to the right. He remained there just for a second, then scrambled for the breakfast bar again and removed his weight from the crutch entirely. Adam was there immediately, an anxious look crossing his face.

“Did it hurt?”

“Yeah. No.” Ronan shook his head, frustrated. “I dunno. I can’t—I don’t—”

“It’s okay,” Adam said quickly. “Try again tomorrow.” He seemed to understand without Ronan having to say that Ronan had lost his confidence a little; that he had become so accustomed to relying on his left side that he was afraid to try using the right again in case he _did_ cause further damage. Ronan was aware that he couldn’t avoid the issue forever, and that using the arm again would help build up strength and speed up the healing process. But not today. Today didn’t feel like a day for progress.

On Wednesday, Ronan was awoken from a nap in the early afternoon by the front door slamming shut and Adam calling his name.

He blinked sleepily. “Parrish?” he mumbled. “Don’t you have class right now?”

Ronan was starting to register the panicked fury on Adam’s face and was instantly more awake. Adam stomped over to the coffee table, grabbed Ronan’s phone off of it, and held it up accusingly.

“You know, sometimes, when this rings, I need you to fucking answer it,” he snapped. He was really, _really_ mad.

“I was asleep,” Ronan said shortly, annoyed. “I don’t need you checking up on me every five fucking minutes.” Because since going to back to classes, Adam had called Ronan in between each one without fail, sometimes texting Ronan whilst he was in class, too. It was very out of character for Adam, but at least up until today Ronan had picked up every time and had replied to each and every text, which was very out of character for _Ronan_.

Adam sighed and ran a hand down his face, then sat down on the coffee table, all the fight abruptly leaving him. “I know,” he said miserably. “I’m sorry. I texted you and you didn’t reply and then I called you between classes and you didn’t pick up, then after my _next_ class when I called you again you didn’t answer and I just — I panicked.”

And well, now Ronan felt like a dick. But again, it wasn’t his _fault_. “Adam, it’s not like I can get up to much mischief at the minute. You don’t need to worry.”

“Yeah, I get that Ronan, but it’s not really helpful. Because the problem is that I _am_ going to worry, because I’m so terrified that I’m going to lose you. I can’t stop thinking about it, I _hate_ it.”

Ronan didn’t say anything for a minute. Then he quietly said, “You’re not going to lose me.”

Adam sighed again, shakily, and he looked close to tears. “But I almost _did_. Ronan, when I got the call from Declan that you’d been in an accident, and that your car had been fucking obliterated, I had no idea if you’d even still be alive by the time I made it to you. I had to get on a plane and I had this block of time where I was completely unreachable, where I had no way of getting an update on your condition. And when I landed and I powered my phone back on, I had a voicemail from Declan, and I was _convinced_ that when I pressed play, I was going to find out that you—” Adam broke off to draw in a choked breath, and Ronan felt two tears run quickly down his own face, there and gone before he even realised he was crying. “—that you’d _died_ , and I wasn’t there.” He dropped his head into his hands.

Ronan could tell that Adam had been holding this in for a while — this outburst almost seemed overdue. Adam’s shoulders gradually relaxed, the tension bleeding out of him. Ronan wiped his face with the heel of his hand.

Slowly, Adam lifted his head, then took a breath. “New rule. I’ll stop texting you all day, but I will still call you between classes, and you _have_ to answer. And you also have to text me if you need _anything_. Okay?”

“Okay. But you have to go back to class now.”

Adam looked at his watch. “It’s already half over. I’ll go back for the next one. Shift.” He got off the coffee table and Ronan moved over to make space for him. Adam sat down and lowered his head onto Ronan’s shoulder. He linked their fingers together and began idly playing with the leather wristbands that lined Ronan’s left wrist and further up his arm. Ronan leaned his head against Adam’s. “Do you need to talk about it? The accident, I mean,” Adam said after a moment.

“I don’t want to. Not right now, at least.”

“That’s alright. I’m here if you do.”

“I know.” Ronan twisted to kiss Adam’s head.

“I know you know.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

 

***

 

Adam only had one class on Friday and it was in the morning, so Ronan had been looking forward to Adam being home for most of the day. He had forgotten — despite Adam telling him numerous times — that Adam had a study group that was meeting at his apartment that afternoon.

“I can cancel,” he said, when he reminded Ronan again and saw his face fall, but Ronan quickly pulled it together.

“You didn’t have it last week,” Ronan said.

“I know. I cancelled it last week.” Adam shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, but the previous week had not been good for Ronan so he knew he would have been the reason for Adam cancelling.

“Then you can’t cancel again. It’s fine, Parrish. I’ll take my laptop into the bedroom and watch a movie or some shit.”

“You sure?”

“ _Yes_. I don’t wanna get in the way of your studies, that’s the whole point of this anyway, right? So you can keep an eye on me and also finish school so you can graduate on time?”

Adam nodded. “Right.” He gave Ronan a thoughtful look. “We still have to talk about that, by the way.”

“What?”

“What you said when we were still at the Barns. You said that you didn’t know what I was going to want to do after I finish school. And I don’t know what _you_ want to do either. So we should talk about that at some point.”

Ronan swallowed. He did remember saying that, when he was upset and desperate to keep Adam from delaying graduating when the end was already so close that Ronan could almost _touch_ it. But this was the first time Adam had mentioned it to him since, and suddenly it seemed like another conversation he wasn’t ready for.

But at least it was apparently a conversation for another day, as Adam dropped it before heading out for class. He was back to eat lunch with Ronan and force Ronan to wander about outside with his crutches (he _would_ use both now, still a little tentative on the right side, but considerably better than he had been initially). By one o’clock, Ronan was settling himself on the bed with his laptop, scrolling through Netflix for something to watch. Adam leaned in the doorway and raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t have to hide, you know. You can say hello when everyone gets here. You don’t have to feel like you’re not allowed out of the bedroom while I have people over.”

“Yes, I know that thanks, Parrish. I’m fine, I’ll stay out of the way.” He didn’t feel like palling around with Adam’s college friends.

“Alright then,” Adam said. There was a knock at the front door and Adam looked over his shoulder briefly before turning back to Ronan. “Well I’m just out here if you need anything.”

“I’m sure I’ll manage,” Ronan said sarcastically, and Adam rolled his eyes and shut the bedroom door.

He listened to Adam open the door and let people in, heard their bright and friendly voices and immediately his mood soured. He plugged his headphones in to his laptop and put on one of the Transformers movies, just because it would be loud and had cool explosions.

A little over an hour later, the pain in Ronan’s leg was starting to edge from a faint annoyance, to a permanent prickling ache that he could no longer ignore. The problem was that Ronan’s painkillers were in the kitchen, along with the water he’d need to take them with. He could just yell for Adam and he could get them for him, but that seemed impossibly obnoxious when Adam had people over. Ronan glanced at his phone. He could text Adam and ask him to bring in the meds and water, but it would be just as obvious who the message had been from in that case. And besides, Adam was busy and Ronan could get his own goddamn painkillers. He wasn’t a baby. He wasn’t hiding.

He yanked the headphones off and reached for the crutches that were leaning up against the nightstand. He stood up on his good leg and got himself situated, then made his way to the door. Of course, everyone’s attention was immediately on Ronan the second he stepped through the bedroom door.

“Hi,” he said, then carried on to the kitchen.

“You okay?” Adam asked.

“Peachy,” Ronan said.

“Guys, this is my boyfriend, Ronan. Ronan this is Nick, Lisa, and you’ve met Kelsey before.”

Ronan poured himself a glass of water. “Always a pleasure, Kelsey,” he said without looking at her. Nice girl. One of the first friends Adam had made after coming here, and Ronan definitely held it against her.

“What happened, man?” asked an unfamiliar voice, and Ronan looked up. He assumed this was Nick, and he was looking at Ronan with unabashed curiosity. The cast on Ronan’s arm might be gone, but he still wore a brace, and the cast on his leg was pretty hefty. Not to mention the now stitch-free but still impressive looking gash on his head, and the various other cuts and bruises, not all of which had fully faded. Ronan was sure he looked quite a sight.

“Sky-diving,” Ronan said, lip curling cruelly. “’Chute didn’t open.”

Nick gasped, horrified. “Holy shit,” he said.

Adam sighed. “C’mon, Nick, he’s clearly fucking with you,” he said, and then, quieter, “He was in a car accident.”

“I _told_ you that on the way over,” Kelsey hissed.

“I wasn’t listening, obviously!”

“How are you feeling, Ronan?” asked the other girl, Lisa. She had a kind face, but Ronan wasn’t feeling inclined to play nicely.

He popped two painkillers into his mouth and washed them down with water. “Like I was in a car accident,” he said, then returned to the bedroom, a brief silence in his wake.

The thing was, Ronan was a jealous creature by nature. None of those people out there were a threat — in fact, there was no one who _could_ be a threat to what Ronan and Adam had — but that wasn’t the problem. Ronan was jealous of their time. Of how much they’d seen of Adam during the last almost four years while Ronan had been hundreds of miles away, wishing for the summer when he would have Adam’s undivided attention for more than a weekend at a time.

He was _glad_ that Adam had friends, of course he was. He recognised that this feeling was irrational and that there was no need for him to be an ass to these people that Adam got to see all the time. But at the moment, Ronan’s leg hurt and Nick was an idiot who asked stupid questions — and who was also remarkably gullible for someone attending an Ivy League school — and Ronan didn’t care.

Adam was going to be pissed.

Ronan didn’t care.

A couple of hours later, Ronan finally heard people start to leave, and shortly after that, the bedroom door opened and Adam came in, perching on the side of the bed.

“Would it kill you to be polite?”

“It might,” Ronan shot back, but it came out in such a petulant tone that it startled a laugh out of Adam.

“You are such an _ass_.” Adam moved Ronan’s laptop out of the way and crawled up the bed towards him, capturing his lips in a kiss Ronan hadn’t been expecting. “A complete. _Asshole_ ,” he added, up against Ronan’s mouth and punctuated with more kisses.

“You love it,” Ronan said, melting into the warmth and curving his arm around Adam’s back.

“Mhm.”

Ronan wanted him closer, always closer, and as their kisses grew more urgent, the heat pooling in his gut reminded Ronan that he was frustrated in more ways than one. Adam had been so damn _careful_ with him. Ronan pulled back a little. “I’m not broken, you know,” he whispered into the space between their lips. “You’re not going to hurt me.”

Adam blinked, then closed the gap again. The hand he’d had fisted in Ronan’s t-shirt loosened and skated lower, feather-light touches, then disappeared below the waistband of Ronan’s sweatpants. He felt Adam smile against his lips when Ronan’s breath caught.

Friday was a good day.

 

***

 

The third week was a marked improvement on the first two, with Ronan exhibiting real progress every day. His confidence was starting to return with regards to his right arm, so he was no longer relying so heavily on just his left side, meaning he was much more mobile on his crutches and barely needed Adam’s help at all. The doctor told him that everything was healing as it was supposed to, so whilst he was still stuck in the big cast for at least another two weeks, it was comforting to hear that there didn’t appear to be any further problems that hadn’t been picked up on when Ronan was first admitted to hospital.

The next time Adam took the Subaru out to get groceries, he took Ronan with him, which Ronan was ashamed to admit was pretty fun. It was just so good to be _out_ — not that he’d been unable to go before, obviously, but he probably would have had to take the wheelchair which he was not prepared to do. He put ridiculous things they didn’t need in the cart when Adam wasn’t paying attention (a Spongebob sippy cup, a loofah, an inspirational wall plaque that said, “Dance like nobody’s watching”) and then laughed hysterically when Adam discovered them and put them back on the shelves, glaring at Ronan as he did so.

On Thursday, after waking up from yet another nap on the sofa (carrying yourself everywhere on crutches was _tiring_ ), Ronan brought something back for the first time since his accident.

He lay frozen solid for a couple of minutes, narrowly avoiding a panic when the feeling everywhere else returned but he couldn’t move his right leg properly, before he remembered that was because it was broken.

Ronan eased himself into a sitting position and examined the object in his hand. It was a toy car. More accurately, it was the BMW. An exact replica, only in miniature. He opened the doors and shut them again, then set it on his cast and wheeled it up and down, up and down. He wasn’t sure when he started crying — just quiet tears, queuing up and falling without Ronan making a sound — but he didn’t bother to wipe them away. Crying was making his nose a little stuffy, but it wasn’t hurting anyone.

Adam chose that as the moment to return from classes for the day. He paused in the doorway as he took in Ronan on the sofa, then he dropped his satchel to the ground and came over, perching on the armrest next to Ronan’s head. Ronan let his head drop back against Adam’s thigh and passed him the tiny BMW.

Adam looked his fill, turning the wheels and opening the doors like Ronan had done, then he — slowly, so he didn’t jostle Ronan’s head — leaned forward and put it on the coffee table. He smoothed a thumb over the furrow in Ronan’s brow but said nothing; waiting, never pushing.

“I’m ready to talk about it now,” Ronan said thickly.

“Okay.”

And so they talked. Adam asked what Ronan could remember from the crash and Ronan told him that he remembered everything. He didn’t go into the details of the actual crash, but he said that remembered being afraid; so very, very afraid that he was going to die, and what would happen to Matthew and Opal, and being aware that he really didn’t _want_ to die, and that the last thing he had done before losing consciousness was wish for Adam.

“And then I woke up in the hospital and there you were,” Ronan said with a sad little smile. “Magic.”

He told Adam that it took longer than he felt comfortable with for him to think about the fate of the other driver, and that he wondered if it made him a bad person that he had got more upset about the loss of the BMW than he had about the fact someone had died. A stranger, sure. A stranger whose actions could very well have killed Ronan, yes. But a person nonetheless.

At this, Adam ran soothing fingers through Ronan’s hair and murmured that he was good, he was _so_ good, and that he’d been through a trauma and any and all feelings he had about that were perfectly valid, at which Ronan managed a watery smile and said, “That psych course really made an impact, huh?”, and Adam laughed a little and called him an asshole, and Ronan felt a little better.

Finally, they talked about the BMW.

“I think. . .” Ronan started, trailing off before trying again. “I think maybe it’s a good thing it’s gone now. I wish it hadn’t happened like that. But maybe it was time to let it go.”

He had loved that car; he had countless good memories in it, teaching Adam to drive stick just one of them. But it was always going to be the place he had discovered his father’s body. It never would have been free of that memory. And maybe Ronan never would have been free of it either by holding onto it for so long.

“What are you going to do with this one?” Adam asked after a while, rolling the miniature BMW down the coffee table.

“I’m gonna keep it,” he said with a shrug. “It’s just a toy. It doesn’t have to have any more meaning than I choose to give it.”

“That was,” Adam paused, considering, “surprisingly profound.”

“Hey,” Ronan replied, mock offended. “I have my moments.”

Adam leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “That you do.”

 

***

 

Now past the halfway point, time seemed to pick up speed. Adam was completely swamped with studying for finals, but at least by now Ronan was feeling much, much better and so posed considerably less of a distraction.

Chainsaw had returned twice, never staying for long, but just dropping in to say her own version of hi before shooting off again. Ronan hadn’t enlisted her services as a carrier pigeon after getting Opal’s reply, not wanted to hinder her movements — she could go where she wanted, and she’d always end up back with Ronan in the end. Opal was currently at Fox Way now, so Ronan assumed Chainsaw, too, would stick close to there until Ronan and Adam returned to the Barns.

When Adam held his study group again on Friday, Ronan actually made a slightly longer appearance and managed to remain civil the entire time. Nick was still an idiot, but what could you do.

The following Monday, Ronan was downgraded to a less heavyweight cast, which took some serious getting used to after wearing the other one for so long, but was much more preferable and gave Ronan a much wider range of movement.

He was still bored most of the time, especially as he was now more mobile, but he obviously still couldn’t drive, and Adam was too busy in the week for them to go anywhere. It wasn’t like Ronan could get that far just on crutches anyway, and although he did go for walks (or hobbles) around sometimes while Adam was studying, he never strayed too far from Adam’s apartment, knowing that Adam would get worried.

On the weekends, though, Adam would give himself a little time off and take them on a drive, somewhere green where Ronan could get out and get some ‘proper’ fresh air as he called it. They would only stay for an hour or two, but it was Ronan’s favourite time, because Adam let his stress melt away for just a little while and it was just him and Ronan and the big, wild world.

In the evenings, Ronan would sometimes help Adam study. Adam had made himself meticulous flash-cards and Ronan would test him from them. He rarely got a question wrong, and Ronan would reward him with a kiss every time. This more often than not got out of hand, though, so Adam didn’t always enlist Ronan’s assistance when he was studying.

But before they knew it, finals week had arrived. Ronan saw Adam off on the morning of his first one with a kiss to his hands and an emphatic, “You’ve got this.”

Adam grinned — a tiny hint of nerves, but not much. “I know.”

“I know you know.”

 

***

 

Just like that, six weeks drew to a close, Adam’s finals were over, and it was time to pack up and head back to the Barns. Adam’s rent for the apartment was paid up till the end of the month, which meant they’d be able to stay there for Adam’s graduation in a couple of weeks time.

They still hadn’t talked about the future. Ronan only knew that Adam hadn’t applied for any grad school positions as of yet.

They packed up a lot of Adam’s stuff into the Subaru, but not everything because they’d be back to get the rest when Adam graduated. Ronan could now sit in the passenger seat next to Adam, albeit with the seat back as far as it could go. But still. It made it easier to hold Adam’s hand over the middle console.

Halfway into their journey, and Ronan said. “I’ve been thinking.”

“Uh oh.”

“Asshole.”

Adam laughed. “What have you been thinking about?”

“That conversation we never ended up having. Finals are over. Graduation approaches. What next for Adam Parrish?”

Adam darted a look to Ronan and then back to the road. It was brief, but Ronan could tell that Adam hadn’t thought Ronan would be the one to bring this up.

“I’m not sure,” Adam said after a short silence.

This, Ronan hadn’t expected. Adam always had a plan.

“What do you _mean_ you’re not sure?”

“I mean exactly that.” He glanced at Ronan again. “I think I want to go travelling for a while before I worry about rest of my life stuff. See some of the world. See what else is out there, y’know?” Adam squeezed Ronan’s hand. “Will you come with me?”

And something warm settled in Ronan’s heart. He didn’t have a plan. Adam didn’t have a plan. But they had each other.

“Yeah,” he said. “I want to come.”

 

***

 

Adam, predictably, passed his finals with near perfect scores, and come graduation day, he had not only Ronan in the audience, but Gansey and Blue and Henry, and Opal and Matthew too. Declan had been unable to take anymore time off work for the occasion but had sent Adam a congratulations card that was simply signed, ‘Best, Declan Lynch’. Ronan kept laughing at it.

Ronan was still on crutches for now, but hopefully not for too much longer, and regardless, he wouldn’t let it put a dampener on Adam’s day. He’d missed Adam’s high school graduation, a fact he’d regretted for a while now, so he was damn sure he would be there for this one.

The ceremony was long and boring, which Ronan had expected it to be, but eventually the students started moving in a line to pick up their diplomas. Gansey started tearing up as soon as they spotted Adam waiting in the wings, and despite being told to hold their applause until the end, when Adam’s name was called, Blue, Henry and Ronan all stood up, whistling and cheering, ignoring the glares from others in the audience.

“Guys,” Gansey said, still choked up but ever the perfectly behaved gentleman. “Sit down, you’ll get us in trouble.”

But Ronan was barely listening; he was watching Adam walk across the stage and collect his diploma. And when he received it and stepped to the side, he moved the tassel from his graduation cap to the left and looked up, finding Ronan unerringly in the crowd.

Adam smiled the smile that used to make Ronan want to start wars and burn cities for because he saw it so rarely. He now saw it often enough that it simply made him think: _Home_.

Ronan didn’t want to sit through everyone else's names now that Adam had already been, but he grudgingly did, knowing Gansey would be appalled if he up and left; Opal was playing Cat’s Cradle and so he watched her do that instead.

Finally, the whole thing was over and they were free to go and find Adam. As soon as Ronan spotted him, he hurried over as fast as his crutches would allow, and tackled Adam in bone-crushing hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“I am so fucking proud of you, Adam,” he murmured into Adam’s good ear, and Adam turned his head so he could kiss Ronan.

“Thanks,” he said, delighted smile still firmly on his face. “I’m kinda proud of me, too.”

By now, the others had caught up and Ronan reluctantly let go of Adam so everyone else could get in their own hugs. Henry had picked up photography as a minor interest and spent the next few minutes trying to corral everyone into an impromptu graduation shoot. Opal was the only one who seemed willing to play along, but Henry got a few shots in regardless.

They had a celebratory graduation lunch booked someplace downtown, and as the others took off ahead, Ronan hung back with Adam.

Over the last couple of weeks, they’d made tentative plans of where they might want to go — once Ronan was fully healed, of course.

[ _“I think I want to go to Rome,” Adam said, then shrugged. “I wanna see the Colosseum.”_

_“Then we'll start there,” Ronan said easily, then his eyes gleamed with possibility. “I could drive us around on a Vespa!”_

_“Ronan, no.”_ ]

The future was laid out before them, and Ronan didn’t know what it held. The Barns was no longer the be-all and end-all in Ronan’s mind. It was home, and he would never want to get rid of it, but it no longer seemed like the only place he could ever envision himself being happy.

Of whatever was to happen in the days to come, Ronan had but one certainty, and it was Adam. Everything else would fall into place.

Adam took off his graduation cap and put it on Ronan’s head, then scrunched his nose up. “It doesn’t suit you,” he said.

Ronan tilted it to a jaunty angle. “How about now?”

Adam laughed. “Better.” He looked over his shoulder to where the others were now much further ahead, then back to Ronan. “You ready to go?” he asked.

Ronan smiled. “I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this will be the last thing I write for this little series? You can probably tell from this fic that I have no idea what I picture Adam doing career wise in the future (I never even specified his major lmao, I literally couldn't decide). But yeah, because these little fics are all part of the same story and they're all in chronological order, I feel like if I write something else I'm going to have to make a firm decision on some type of job for Adam. And I don't want to do that. (Never say never, but like...probably not.)
> 
> I'm a little sad though, I had a blast writing these fics (even if the first two and a half chapters of this one made me super sad). Thanks for sticking with me if you did, let me know what you think! <3
> 
> (while I was writing the last part of this chapter I was listening to this song - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8inJtTG_DuU - on repeat, so that's why it got so fluffy, haha)

**Author's Note:**

> *the title is obviously a recurring theme from ronan and adam saying it to each other a few times in this fic. but I originally took it from the song I Know You Know by Empires because it was stuck in my head when I started writing :))


End file.
